


Hip Model

by rubberchickencircuit



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 08:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17598074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubberchickencircuit/pseuds/rubberchickencircuit
Summary: Awhile ago, a series of cell phone adverts depicted a malfunctioning cell phone as a TV- or movie-style humanlike android, making fun of his own deficiencies and tormenting his owner.What if—a few years from now, post-Turing Test—literalandroid phones really do become a thing? What happens when your PDA is your friend, your roommate, your incompetent romantic partner—or all three?





	Hip Model

**Author's Note:**

> (Our PDA might look a little like Bridget Fonda's character in _Jackie Brown_. Or a little like Shaundi in _Saints Row_. Or maybe she's someone else entirely.)

"Yeeaahhh," sighed the smiling, dirty-blonde stoner girl in her warm, low voice. "Again." She sat slumped beside Perry on his long, dilapidated couch.

The young African-American man indignantly reached back under his... girlfriend's?... wool sweater and rubbed her on her belly. By now the gimmick had evolved from cute to tiresome. "How hard can it be to find the song I want?" he sighed. 

"Stop complaining, dude," grumbled the girl, lazily in charge. "Touch me again. You gotta touch me again to go through the menu." Suddenly she violently shivered—in a manner somewhat sensual, and somewhat like a cell phone receiving a text message. "Oooh." The girl tipped forward and fell heavily against Perry. Then, leaning on him, she messily gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, delivered in a mood halfway between lover and prankster. "Mmh. Somebody liked your webpage."

She vibrated again. "Nnggh. You keep getting these texts, man. 'Act now, you can still orden.' What the hell's 'orden'?" "It's 'order,'" Perry grumbled. "Neotokia doesn't get why I didn't buy their Toko X phone, with its touchless control and active display. Ever since I blocked their calls on my landline, their sales hotline has been texting me on _you_." 

Neotokia's salespeople genuinely wondered—some days, the whole world seemed to wonder—why Perry put up with his "hip model." Rather than adopt a pocketsized, up-to-date cell phone like most people in 2035, Perry had chosen to stick with his old phone; a life-sized simulated human with a limited skill set, popular five years before. These "hip models," designed to look and act like twentysomething hipsters, were among the first fully sentient synths made available for home use. With their comical personalities, they were intended to function as surrogate older siblings for latchkey tweens, or—inevitably—de facto dates for lonely college kids. Paired with a high-powered thirtysomething business professional like Perry, however, a "hip model" seemed something of a mismatch.

But he needed a partner, and biological humans had never clicked with Perry.

The girl "hip model" was his second of this make; the boy design, a handsome but pushy ditz, had devolved into the roommate—no, the boyfriend from hell. Perry was bisexual, but Perry liked the idea of a combination PDA and partner, not a bossy mooch. The boy was given away to a neighbor, and his "sister" purchased to stay.

On some level, the girl wasn't a huge improvement. In line with her intended role as a playful companion for young adults, she required Perry to do certain counter-intuitive things to access her apps, like putting up with her teasing, or amusing her in silly ways. She now sat sprawled against him with her socked feet up on the table; she was a _very_ good simulation. Perry leaned forward to move the stacks of magazines on the table before she could inadvertently kick them off.

"I, like, still can't find your song," she half-smiled, half-pouted. "Touch me again." "Can't touch you right now," Perry said. "My hands." He was now holding an awkward armload of magazines. "Uh—you know, I want some romantic music—like 'Adorn,' by Miguel." "You know the rules," grinned the "hip model." "No touchy, no Miguely." 

Perry strained to rub his elbow against the stoner girl's belly. He'd have his hands free in a minute—oops! Perry's armload of magazines fell to the floor. "Hah! You fail, dumbass!" grinned the girl. "I'll just sing it. 'These liiiips,'" she began. The girl PDA couldn't sing to save her gynoid life, but that never stopped her from trying. "Theesseee lipss…. can't wait to taste your skin. And this body, boy… I wanna drape it on ya…" Her breath, redolent of hash smoke, hung over Perry as she sang.

It had been Perry's sister who installed an underground app that enabled the stoner girl to actually smoke blunts. Perry thought it was silly, but it seemed a natural fit to the girl's free-spirited attitude.

Now the girl paused for a moment, leaned really close, smiled coolly, and pressed a finger against the tip of Perry's nose. "Boop," she said—less a mechanical bleep than a spoken word, like Betty Boop's surname. "Fully recharged." She glanced over to where, on the far side of the couch, a small cable ran from her hip to the wall. 

Perry sat for a moment, enjoying her closeness. "Fully recharged. Unplug me, man," she said: half a flirt, half a command. 

Perry tried to lean past her to reach for the cord, but lost his balance and fell onto her lap. "Sorry." 

"You're not sorry," she said with a teasing grin. "You're impossible, dude. But that's why I like you." As Perry lay sprawled over her, she began to laugh and pat out a rhythm on his back with her hands. Like a human girlfriend, she was remarkably intuitive as to what felt good. But then—ouch! She pinched him gently on the back of the neck, too.

"Hey! What the hell, phone-girl?" Perry raised an eyebrow as the stoner continued to pat out her rhythm. "Tsk. Remember my alarm, man," smiled the girl. All this action was it. "I'm s'posed to remind you you gotta set the… Viva? Ha-ha! Viva Las Vegas, man!" She continued her rhythmic pounding and pinching. It was getting a little much to endure. 

"Viva? You mean Tivo," grumbled Perry, annoyed by what was now becoming a clobbering. Why had he set her alarm to this signal? Maybe the poking and slapping seemed cute the first time. Either way, of course, the humanlike PDA would not turn the alarm off herself. "S-stop," Perry said, trying to take the girl's wrists. But she continued prodding and poking him with a big grin. "Uh-uh. YOU gotta turn the alarm off. Not me." 

What a personality, Perry thought. How did turning off the alarm even work, again? Oh, right, his sister had souped that up, too. Perry groped in a dish on the table for a joint. Awkwardly lighting it, he handed it to the stoner girl. "Score! Thank you," she breathed, leaning back and taking a deep drag. Her alarm was now off. For a moment, it all seemed silly to Perry; the girl was an android, drugs could have no real effect on her. But she knew what she wanted, or what she knew her programming needed.

The "hip model" resumed her singing. "And this body, boy, I wanna drape it on ya—just put it all over you, like a big ol' sheet, man." 

Hmm. Perry hadn't asked her to start the music again. What...? Catching her eye, he noticed her winking at him. Oh, it was that third app his sister had installed, wasn't it? Get enough smoke in the air, and uniquely improvisational flirting subroutines would—

"Bed?" he asked. "Fuck that," grinned his AI girlfriend, both the best human imitation and the worst human. "I'm not leaving this couch." Her mouth frankly flew against Perry's, kissing him with such enthusiasm that their teeth clicked together. Moments later they were snuggling intensely. Her legs rubbed against his arms; they felt chilly and had realistic goose pimples. Technology was wonderful, and Perry wouldn't give up his friend, his girlfriend, his dysfunctional-but-awesome AI for a dozen boring Toko X phones.

The "hip model" finished nuzzling Perry's neck, got eye-to-eye with him, smiled lazily and said, "Let me just get more comfortable." "You couldn't get more comfortable!" Perry grinned wryly. "Can too, dude," grinned the girl PDA, reaching for his shirt buttons. "I like this app just as much as you do."

Smoke slowly drifted up toward the ceiling.

**Author's Note:**

> (Hope everyone enjoyed. Our "hip model" will return in future adventures, likely interacting with characters from our "Castle Mysteries" series.)


End file.
